Things to do After Your Parents Pass Away

Table Of Contents

Introduction
Timeline of Tasks
Appendix

Introduction

I helped my mother deal with some of the notification and documentation issues from my father passing away. The process is pretty miserable and grieving does not improve it. I do not think anything will make this process “easy” and “painless”, but some planning and research might make is “easier” and “less” painful. The companion article to this “Things to do Before Your Parents Pass Away” has some suggestions that can make the estate management and closing down another persons life a little more manageable. In several areas, it mentions having some form of documentation – a list of assets, how the beneficiaries are designated, who to contact as the beneficiary, and internet account information.

The documentation is a critical tool in making the process manageable for the person that has work through it. In order to have the documentation, you have to do some work up front in assigning beneficiaries for accounts, setting up transfer on death for property, listing out assets, listing out auto bill/pay services, making a record of your internet accounts, and collecting titles. As a parent, ask your children to help with this. They might not appreciate it at the time, but they will when they need it. As a child, offer to help your parent with this. Let them know that is not easy for you either, but it is important. Having to hunt through old file cabinets looking for insurance paperwork, bills, and financial records to transfer assets and close out account while grieving will be an utter nightmare.

People that have your money do not care if your children collect it. Only the people you owe money to will make an effort to contact someone. Do you want some stranger or the state to have your children’s inheritance? (Depending on your children, you might, but this assumes not.)

After mom passed away, working through all this became the job of her children. I have done some research on this, but I am sure it is not 100% complete. As a reference, in the 19 days since she passed, I have done in the neighborhood of 40 to 60 hours of reading, calling, and note taking to understand what needs to be done. I think I am less than 50% done with the notification and closing down her life process, and this is with a head start from mom’s planning. The 50% does not even include working through her personal effects. I have no idea how long that will take.

Timeline of Tasks

There are many websites providing information for handling the death of a loved one. Many of information websites are by people who are willing to help you, possibly for a fee or doing it as advertising (e.g., funeral homes). If you pay for help, make sure to verify the pricing and integrity of any service you use. Many of these lists are woefully incomplete. Some of the articles I looked at are listed below.

This information below is mostly compiled from the AARP and US government pages with some additional notes. You should read at least those two pages. If there are no notes, then I have nothing to add to the information of the articles. The list is roughly ordered with time frames, but your situation may differ. Hopefully, this information will give someone else a head start in the process.

Note: The documentation that a parent assembles for their estate will have sensitive information. It should be stored in a relatively secure place; it should not be taped to their (or your) refrigerator.

Immediately

Get a legal pronouncement of death (AARP)
Determine whether the person wanted to be an organ donor (Neptune Society)
- This may already be indicated on the drivers license
Tell family, friends, and employer (AARP)
Learn about existing funeral and burial plans (AARP)
- This should be documented
Take a moment to grieve (Neptune Society)

Within a Few Days

Start gathering legal documents (Neptune Society)
- Hopefully, you have been made aware of their location
- Do not forget to check for a safety deposit box (Neptune Society)
Make funeral, burial, or cremation arrangements (AARP)
- What is important to you in this process should be documented
- Any existing arrangements should be documented, including final expenses policies (Neptune Society)
- If the deceased was military, they may be entitled to funeral benefits. Let the funeral home know. (Neptune Society)
Secure the Property (AARP)
Provide Care for Pets (AARP)
- Provide Care for Disabled Children
- Provide Care for Plants
Forward Mail (AARP)
Write Obituary (Neptune Society)
- There are many guides on the internet to help you. https://www.aarp.org/home-family/friends-family/info-2020/how-to-write-an-obituary.html
- It is safer to put ages in the obituary instead of dates of birth. A name and date of birth is often used as identifying information in financial transactions.
Inform people about the funeral service (Neptune Society)
Take a moment to grieve (Neptune Society)

Within Two Weeks to a Month

Secure certified copies of the death certificate (AARP)
- This can take as much as four to six weeks.
Find the will and executor (AARP)
- Some states allow you to file a will with a registrar or court clerk with designated names of who can withdraw it. If this is done, document where, who can get it, and how. You can search the internet for your state to find out this process.
- Otherwise, file the last will and testament with the other documentation.
Make an inventory of all assets (AARP – reordered)
- Having an idea of what the assets are before talking to the estate attorney can be useful
- In some states, probate can be avoided for estates less than $50,000
- Assets with beneficiaries designated or with transfer on death are (often? always?)
  - distributed based on the designation, not the last will and testament
  - omitted from the value of the estate for probate.
Contact the deceased doctor to get a copy of their medical record (Neptune Society)
- Not 100% sure why on this.
- If nothing else, it might be useful for your future health for inherited conditions.
Make copies of important documents (Neptune Society)
Contact trust/estate attorney (AARP – reordered)
- The estate attorney that I spoke to told me to try to transfer by affidavit as a small estate because the remaining estate was small enough. If that did not work, decide whether the item is important enough for probate. If so, contact him. He was not as knowledgeable about small estates as I hoped. YMMV.
Contact a CPA (AARP – reordered)
- The final income tax filing for the deceased is not necessarily the problem.
- If the estate makes income, you have to file a Federal and/or State Fiduciary for Estate Income Tax .
- You may have to file state estate/inheritance tax and federal estate tax forms.
Take the will to probate (AARP)
- If there is no will and the estate is small enough (non-benficiary and non-TOD part), you might be able to avoid probate. This takes luck or planning.
Track down additional assets (AARP)
- If the assets are documented regularly, this may not be required.
Make a list of bills (AARP)
Cancel no longer needed digital services (AARP)
- Do not cancel the cell phone and email without verifying they are not needed. In our new, better, modern, and technologically advanced world, sometimes you can not cancel an online service without logging in. They do not even list a contact number, unless you are logged in. For this reason, you may need to keep the cell phone and email of the deceased available for longer than normal. Cell phone and email may be required to reset passwords. You could potentially downgrade to lower speed or less minutes to reduce the cost. You may need to temporarily have someone else pay the accounts, if there is no executor with authority to use the estate funds. Make sure that there are no back payments required before transferring an account into your name.
- Also, there exist NFT (Non-Fungible Tokens), which are digital assets that may have monetary value. Try to avoid deleting the digital Mona Lisa.
- Gas, electric, water, and sewer probably need to be left on.
- Streaming
  - NetFlix
  - Hulu
  - Paramount+
  - Disney
  - Audible
  - Spotify
- Digital Assets
  - Audible (purchased audio books)
  - Barnes & Noble
  - Digital Art
- Services
  - Cable
  - Internet
  - Home Phone
- Automatic Home Delivery
  - Walmart
  - Sams Club
  - Amazon
  - Chewy
Decide what to do with the passport. (AARP/US Gov)
- When I spoke to the US Department of State about it, they said a passport that is more than 5 years expired can just be kept or destroyed. You can not renew it.
Notify the following of your loved one’s death (AARP/US Gov/+)
- Federal Benefits/OPM (US Gov)
  - OPM notified the medigap/medicare advantage provider
- Social Security Administration (AARP/US Gov)
  - SSA notifies medicare
- Military Benefits (US Gov)
- Veterans benefits (US Gov)
- State social services benefits (US Gov)
- State voter registration/election board (AARP-reordered)
- Life Insurance Companies (AARP)
- Long-term Care Insurance Companies (AARP)
- Banks and financial institutions (AARP/Neptune Society)
  - Make sure that your cancel or transfer auto-pay services that are still needed before the bank is notified.
  - Make sure any outstanding payments have cleared before closing (Neptune Society)
  - They will likely block the accounts and credit cards until beneficiary pay out, probate, or all beneficiaries sign and agree to unblock.
- Financial advisors and stockbrokers (AARP)
- Credit Reporting Agencies (AARP)
  - When you notify the credit reporting agencies, you can request a copy of the credit report of the deceased person. Use this to help identify the creditors to notify of their passing to prevent fraud. Also check the credit report for signs of fraud.
- Frequent-buyer/flier points (AARP)
- Creditors (+)
  - In most states, family is not responsible for the debts of the deceased. Do not agree to take on the debt of the deceased or co-mingle estate funds with your funds.
File Transfer on Death (TODs)
- Real-estate TODs might be a county clerk, but this varies by state
- Vehicle TODs might be DMV/MVA, but this varies by state
Cancel drivers license (AARP)
- And verify what to do with any handicap placards.
Close or update credit card accounts (AARP)
- In most states, family is not responsible for the debts of the deceased. Do not agree to take on the debt of the deceased or co-mingle estate funds with your funds.
Terminate or transfer insurance policies (AARP)
- If property transfers to a child, transferring/reissuing the policy in a new name may be more appropriate.
Delete or memorialize social media (AARP)
Close email accounts (AARP)
- Did you recover all the internet accounts that need this email?
File previous year taxes (+)
- If the deceased has not filed the prior year taxes, these might need to be filed immediately or file for extension
Take time to grieve (+)
- Talk with people about moments in the life of your parent. Funny stories. Happy memories. Other people will often avoid talking about the person that passed away for fear of upsetting you or making you cry. This is normal for other people, and grief and tears are normal for you.

More than a month

If you are the executor, execute the provisions of the will (distribute assets). (AARP/Neptune Society)
Update your estate documentation, beneficiaries, and transfer on death, if the death impacted your estate plans (Neptune Society)
File final tax returns (+)
- Federal and State Individual income tax return at the next tax time (check deceased box)
- Some or all of these may be required based on the state, estate value, and estate income.
  - Federal fiduciary for estate income tax return
    - Form 1041
    - Filed at normal tax time
    - If more than $1,000 of expected income, may need to pay quarterly.
  - State fiduciary for estate income tax return
    - Usually filed at normal tax time
    - May need to pay quarterly taxes
    - Check on state laws
  - Federal Estate Tax
    - Form 706
    - Must file and pay tax within 9 months of passing
    - Only required if estate assets and cumulative gifts exceed threshold
  - State Estate Tax
    - In 2024, CT, DC, HI, IL, MA, MD, ME, MN, NY, OR, RI, VT, WA
    - Check on state laws
  - State inheritance tax
    - In 2024, IA, KY, MD, NE, NJ, PA
    - Check on state laws
Take time to grieve (+)
- Grieving takes time. Avoid making life changing decisions for a year. It can take a year or more before you start feeling normal again.
- Seek grief counseling as needed. Churches, hospitals, hospice, and funeral homes have or can point you to grief counseling services. There are often free services and group meetings available.

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